Fresh Start: Be Your Own Guru?

Part One:

Author, and Jack of all trades, Jonathan Fields shared a post on his website in 2010 beginning with these words:

I spent the better part of the first 40-years of my life looking for a guru, that person who would just blow me away with her or his prescience, kindness, compassion, vision and guidance.  The one who would give me the answers.  Who would tell me what to do to get to that place where I finally felt like I had “made it.”
So many others I knew had found one and their lives seemed so much better, more directed and purposeful for it, but that never happened to me. I would attend lectures, teachings, seminars, trainings and retreats and, inevitably, end up leaving early because some combination of information, integrity, pace or delivery did not resonate.  Why couldn’t I find that person?
It finally dawned upon me…

The person I was looking for was the one I would need to become.

I found his article a few years after its publication because of a search for a blurb by the same name posted on a page run by a little online magazine startup several acquaintances of mine began writing for around the same time.  Incidentally, this publication does not treat their contributors very well at all, so if you come across any magazine titles similar to pachyderm diaries I highly suggest avoiding becoming a contributing author, but I digress.  The gist of the blurb by, Rachel Brathen was to always trust your intuition, and know that your wisdom is much more vast, and valuable than you're probably aware.  And each time you read, or learn something new that resonates deeply within you it's really because it is reminding you of what you already know to be true.

Lucky Number 13

It seems only fitting with the Chinese New Year ushering us from sly, trickster Monkey to organized, and grounded Rooster that I find myself at the same time reflecting on moments from my past spent with my stubborn, and impulsive monkey-twin.

2001: Don't hug me. I tickle.  You won't escape.

I also came to the harsh realization during my January fresh-start-purge, where I tear through the house like a Tasmanian devil throwing out everything that is no longer serving me, that this is the only photograph I have with my dearest friend -- something I can only allow myself to be partially regretful about, because it means that we were always too busy in each other's company that we simply didn't have time to give a single thought to a camera let alone be bothered pulling one out to preen and pose in front of.  There is something, however, that gets me a little downhearted knowing that all of that time spent together, and all of those shared secrets over 2 A.M. long-distance gossip sessions is now condensed into a two-inch-by-three-inch creased, and fading memento.  I suppose that is the natural order of things; ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and all that, but I find myself unwilling to give up the ghost (pun very much intended) just yet. 

With that, I found myself reaching for the scanner to preserve the moment beginning to slip from its thin, glossy, 2D time capsule just a bit longer.  No need to pull out the Kansas records, and broom & dust pan just yet, especially now that the pain has finally subsided.  I can look back fondly at what was, and no longer with that dull ache enduringly in my heart, no longer willing myself to forget in order to ignore the cavernous void his absence left in my life. I can now carry in my heart - in the giant space where the pain once lived, the man who believed I was pure magic, and capable of unimaginable feats.

Life is a funny thing with its cycles, and signposts, and symbols.  Some people have numbers (13, 303, 429) lucky or otherwise guiding or following them, sometimes adding comfort in new situations.  I, however, am not so much a numbers girl, instead, I seem to have repeating Richards -- each one leading me to the next in ways that could only be described as cosmic.  I'm not exactly sure why this is the case (and I'm sure there's an obvious joke to be made here), but what I do know for sure is that individually they have all taught me something new about my strength, and resilience, and have afforded me the opportunity to see myself through different eyes, and challenge, or embrace what I find through this new point of view.  For that, I can't be anything but grateful, and appreciative.

Another Year Over, And a New One Just Begun

Word for 2017: Enchanted...

xoxo