Well, well, well ... Here we are with the first two weeks of Q2 nearly under our belts ... Come on in, and fess up! How has your first quarter gone? How will you tackle the next? Still failing to launch, or is it smooth sailing for you? Me? Well, it's complicated...
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The last time we spoke on the topic I swore up and down that I would most definitely NOT be in a race to constantly optimize my time / effort / activities, and then I finally finished reading The 12 Week Year (one year after initially starting it, and two after actually buying it), and ... Oh boy. I'm sure after a couple cycles of working the program, so to speak, that a person may be able to calm down and, leave some space for the magic to seep in, but lemme tell ya between where I'm at now, and the "compelling vision" I was instructed to create I honestly don't even know if I'm going to have time for bathroom breaks, let alone to savor life, and dare I say: Stop and smell the roses? Good thing I've got a few growing in the back yard, maybe I can catch a whiff as I sprint past, clutching my lawn mower that hopefully has a hidden rat rod setting I don't know about yet, because yikes!
I don't mean to turn anyone off the The 12 Week Year, so far it seems like sound advice. I'm just not sure it's exactly what I need right now ... I'm still going to give it a solid go (I'm currently a few days into my 3rd week) but I'm not quite convinced I'm interested in sticking to this kind of regiment. My initial problem was in crafting my Aspirational Vision, and being told, "The best visions are big ones," and "Your vision should be big enough that it makes you feel at least a little uncomfortable."
I am 100% THE wrong person to say these things to.
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Pre-memeified art: Game of Power |
Not everything needs to be done this day, this week, this month, this quarter, or even this year in order for your dream to come together.
That realization alone, has taken a huge load off my shoulders. Of course, some things need to be completed every day, and some of the things heaped onto our ever-growing stack of work have strict deadlines to adhere to, but for everything else determining the high-paying tasks from busy-work, and figuring out how to plug them into your days is a total game-changer. I appreciate, instead of my dreams being all one big jumble in my head, I've got a step-by-step guide I can follow at my own pace (I mean, I've never met a to-do list I didn't love, so this is right up my alley), which I'll have to work on clarifying further, because, like I said earlier, I'm going to have to find a way to dial the intensity down a bit, or I will fall flat on my face if I keep at this clip for any extended period of time (that much I know for sure), but I'm looking forward to seeing how this all goes.
But how did I get here? How do I know these are the systems for me? I mean, I kind of don't, and you won't either until you try. One code I absolutely live by is: If what you're doing isn't working, try something else. It sounds really basic, and the best part is, it is! Anyone can decide to do this at any time. That's why I love it. Think about it though, how many times do you actually stop what you're doing, and contemplate a new approach? How many conversations with your friends, and family center around you or them doing the same things over, and over again while trying to force a different outcome? A lot of folks have come to see that as the definition of insanity, and yet, people the world over find themselves in this exact trap more than once in their lives. Some even spend their whole lives on that hamster wheel, and wonder why not a single damn thing ever changes for them. So, knowing this about myself already is a huge help. On the one hand (emotionally), I hate change, but on the other (materially) I'm incredibly adaptable. I'll do the thing that needs to get done even if it's new, or scary, or inconvenient - and I don't even do it begrudgingly, or with a bad attitude, which I think most people who know me would be shocked to find out. Once I'm faced with a new reality, it's frankly just time to roll up my sleeves and get to work, and I owe that entirely to my parents, and spending my youth getting to watch them and how they'd tackle whatever came their way. There was no obvious instruction from them on this topic, they never sat me down and said this is how things are done, I just got to see it unfold in real time, and I remember how it felt to exist in that environment. It was safe. They weren't catastrophists, the sky was never falling, and they didn't have all of the answers, but they were confident they knew how to find them. I thought that was very cool, and ended up taking that with me into my own life, and I think I've done a pretty good job. I struggle the most when I have to work together with Saboteurs ... I can come up with a lot of plans, but when I have to work with a person who has a problem for every solution, even I start to run out of ideas! Ok, but what even is my point?
The thing is, you can't get what (or where) you want in this life without a little self-examination.
F. M. Alexander said, "People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures." What if your habits suck? What if you don't even know why you have them in the first place? This can be a big stumbling block for people who think they're lacking motivation, and can usher in a fully demoralizing negative-feedback-loop that is extremely difficult to get out of. If you just feel bad about yourself all the time, it's very hard to just magically feel good. But maybe you're not actually unmotivated, lazy, or bad with time-management ... Maybe you just don't know yourself as well as you thought you did, or in the ways in which you may need. First of all, motivation doesn't even exist in the way most of us think it does - you don't randomly wake up one day feeling suddenly motivated, motivation comes AFTER action. The grimy truth is, you have to just start! Take Tim Pychyl, and his life's work on procrastination, for example. He's come to discover that, "Procrastination is not a time-management problem, it is an emotional regulation problem." Did you even know that? I didn't. I turns out, we're not afraid of the task we're putting off, we're afraid of a feeling we've associated with it, and our brain uses procrastination to "protect" us from that terrible feeling. No, this is not an excuse to give in to procrastination, it's a wake-up call to uncover what needs to be healed in order for the brain to stop relying on it. But it all boils down to knowing yourself better. You can't address things that you don't even know exist.
So that makes the first step, figuring out who the hell you are, or if you're not ready for that, at least how you operate, and that has to begin with a curiosity, or a willingness to dive a little deeper than maybe you've previously allowed yourself. I don't care if you use BuzzFeed's latest "Which Barbie Am I" quiz, or your daily horoscope, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - I'm an ENFJ-T or what they call the Turbulent Protagonist (hush, you!). In that same vein, I'm also a shy extrovert, yes we exist! There's also something really cool called the CliftonStrengths Assessment where this dude, Don Clifton, who came up with the notion that (despite what we're told as children) you can't actually be anything you want ... BUT ... you can be extremely more of what you already are. This blew my mind, because, well I don't know the vibe with which the eldest Gen-Xers were raised, but if you were born between 1975-1980 you definitely got a heaping dose of "you can be / do anything you want in life," throughout our most formative years, and frankly I think its done a huge disservice, and led to many youngsters since burning out, and experiencing the bizarre phenomenon of the quarter-life crisis. I'm just sayin' we've got a lot of fish out here failing at being birds, and beating themselves up for not being able to fly, and that can not be healthy for the individual, or society.
Ok, ok flying fish do technically exist (I guess there really is an exception for every rule).
On its face, CliftonStrengths sounds like just another way of shoving everyone into another set of small boxes, and tiny categories, but just imagine the freedom a person can unlock by dropping all of the things they simply are not wired to be, and embracing what they actually are. Now, at no point am I saying that just because you aren't naturally predisposed to doing certain things that you are some how incapable of developing new skills that don't seem to fit in with your results. Not at all! What I've uncovered for myself with the CliftonStrengths results is when I really lean into my strengths, the things I'm not so great at also become easier, kind of by default. I'm clearer on how I process information, how I learn, what inspires me, when and how to ask for help, when to delegate, how to communicate my needs, and how by me letting go of the things that aren't my strong suit, I'll give others a chance to shine at something they're awesome at. This is all so much easier than fighting my way through every task. It's still hard work, but it's fulfilling, and not exhausting.
If you're interested, there are a few things to know about the CliftonStrengths Assessment before you jump in. 1) It isn't free. If you just go straight to the website, there is a fee that ranges from $25 - $60 USD depending on which test you decide you want. If you purchase the book NEW from someplace like Amazon: Regular version / Student version it will come with a unique, ONE TIME USE code in the back, that you just plug into the website and get to take the test for "free." 2) It is timed. Not in a necessarily stressful way, but for sure a shut the door, no distractions, clear your head, don't dawdle kind of way. You don't have time to daydream about your answers - there's no, well I'm kinda this, but kinda that ... No. Read the question. Answer the question. You used to be allotted 40 seconds per question, but I think now it's closer to 20 - I'd bank on 20. If you take too long, it will skip to the next question and leave your current one unanswered, which will skew your results. Overall, the assessment takes 30-45 minutes, and you can not stop, and come back to the test later, you must finish it all in one sitting. 3) The results. The assessment (unless you spring for the deluxe package) introduces you to your Top Five strengths themes, and ideas for action. I recommend printing off your final report, and everything they email you about your test results. A couple of mine got lost in cyberspace, and I thought it was no big deal, and that I could just grab it later ... Unfortunately later was not actually an option. Be prepared, and a good custodian of your results so you'll have long-term access to all of the materials you've been provided, and if they skip emailing you insights about one or more of your results, contact them directly. 4) For you total sickos who've read this post all the way to the bottom, and are curious what my results were, my five most dominant strengths (in order of appearance) are: Intellection (likes to think), Input (inquisitive), Activator (when can we start?!), Learner (loves to learn), and Command (leads). I thought I was going to score a lot higher in the creative, or touchy-feely, empathy type categories, but that's what's so great about the assessment, it does not care what story about yourself you walked in with.
Once you get more familiar with yourself, you'll be able to more easily research, and select (believe me, they're ALL out there!) goal-setting systems that work better with your vibe - and that's the key right there, the road to our accomplishments shouldn't be a horrible trudge. Hard work doesn't have to be soul-sucking. Dreams don't have to be something we only experience with our eyes closed. There is a path. There is a destination. Each of us just has to be willing to learn how to design the correct map.
Bon voyage, darlings!
xoxo
