Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Lord Almighty, I Feel My Temperature Rising!

And, not just because I'm a hunk of burning love.  As Summer lulls on, the mercury keeps surging, and it's got me looking for new ways to stay hydrated, and cool
leading me to peppermint infused water.  

Since the menthol in peppermint can actually induce a mild sweat, it's considered a cooling agent, and is quite refreshing in small doses.  Peppermint is also a source of calcium, magnesium, and potassium - some of the crucial building blocks for our electrolytes, which are often easily depleted by guzzling tons of ordinary water in hot Summer months.  Ok, so while we may not be bowled over by the trace amounts of minerals in herbs, and able to forsake all other forms of food (1 Tbs of fresh leaves = 9 mg of potassium), it certainly doesn't hurt to slip 'em into your jug, and infuse your beverage you were already going to drink!

Here's What You Do:
In a glass gallon jug combine the ripped, crushed, or pulverized leaves of 5-7 stems clipped from your peppermint plant with pure, filtered water.  Let sit around 6 hours on your counter top, strain, and keep in the refrigerator for the duration of its use.

"But my garden is overgrown with peppermint, 5-7 stems a day will never tame this invasion," you're saying.  I know, I know (well, I should say: I know now - I had no idea, before planting, how aggressive peppermint was in the garden!) ...  But now that you have an out of control patch of herb you're going to clip the hell out of it, and start drying it to make your own tea!

Here's What You Do:
Step one - Clip the hell out of it.
Step two - Dry it.  Here, you have a couple of options.  One, you can gather small bunches and hang them in a clean, dry area with lots of air flow.  Or, save your drying for the odd rainy Summer day, and dry your batches in the oven.  I use my roasting pan that came equipped with a rack in the bottom, of course you can improvise with cookie sheets and cooling racks, it doesn't have to be perfect, you just want nice air flow around your stems.  Next, place your peppermint in the oven on the lowest setting your appliance allows, and leave the door cracked open - you want to dry it, not cook it (depending on your oven, and location this can take anywhere from 30 minutes to about 1 hour and 45 minutes).  Remove, and let cool.
Check for signs of moisture; your leaves should be nice and crunchy.

Once your peppermint has sufficiently dried, remove the leaves from the stems, and rub in a strainer situated over either a bowl or measuring pitcher with a pestle or soup spoon gently grinding the leaves into small flakes and removing any unwanted sharp pieces of stem.  Store in an airtight container in a cool, dry location until your next tea party, or recipe calls for it.  Enjoy!


Thursday, July 20, 2017

15 Seeds to Order and Sow Now!

July is a great time, in the Pacific Northwest, to buy and even start your seeds indoors for an August planting of your Fall, Winter, and early Spring crops.

Below, are fifteen plants (including my personal favorites) to consider swapping out with varieties who've already had their early Summer hurrah, and produced all they're likely to this season.

(Bull's Blood, Detroit-Golden)
(Early Purple Sprouting Broccoli)
Brussels Sprouts
(Long Island Improved)
(Golden Acre)
(Pusa Meghna)
(Coriander - Slow Bolt)
Collard Greens
(Georgia Southern Creole)
(Giant Musselburgh)
(Red Romaine)
Mustard Greens
(Red Giant)
(Black Spanish, Sparkler)
(Monstrueux De Viroflay)
Swiss Chard
(Rainbow, Fordhook Giant)
(Gold Ball)

As always, my favorite seed mongers include: Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds, Garden Hoard, and Seeds Now.  Happy planting!


Monday, July 17, 2017

All Wrapped Up: Canvas People

A couple Seven years ago, I snapped one of my all-time favorite photographs on a beachy, mid-day stroll where (nearly) everything had come together perfectly, and quite accidentally.  All I knew was that the lowest tide of the year was coming up at some point, and I needed to get my toes into some cold saltwater as quickly as possible.  What I didn't know was that I'd have to trek nearly the length of a football field to get to said saltwater ... Never one to be easily discouraged, however, if even under the blistering sun back then, I cuffed my off-brand denim jeans from the men's department of my local one-stop-shop, and slogged out to the water's edge, flip-flops in one hand, borrowed digital camera in the other, and me ducking every now and again beneath the safety of the pier's shaded underbelly.
What I found at the end, aside from the refreshing tingle of chilly Puget Sound waves lapping at my ankles, was totally worth it.  And now, thanks to a company I first patronized in 2011, I have it on an 18 x 24 canvas on my wall.  After many setbacks, and a pace so glacial it could drive a sane man to weep with madness, I'm finally catching up on my to-do list.  Thankfully the stars aligned, and Canvas People offered a 90% discount, and quick delivery to make up for all of my slack in this project!
It might need a gaudy frame...

And now, here it hangs above my uneven chairs in my crooked cottage (note to self: will rearranging chairs to go with the slope make them look even?)  Ah, the joys of renting a 100+ year old house sitting on an underground spring ... the baby earthquakes in the bay aren't exactly helping matters; before it's said and done, I might end up with a houseboat!

If you've got some goodies of your own you want to turn into masterpieces for your wall, place an order with Canvas People through August 22, 2017 and get 70% off your order + $4.99 shipping - gaudy frames, optional.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Fill Your Cart With Color

The new eBay #FillYourCartWithColor campaign couldn't have come at a better time.  With Etsy's latest moves to stiff-arm shop owners being my final straw with this corporation I decided to jump ship, and sidle up to one of its biggest competitors.  But why eBay of all places, aren't they even worse?!  Sometimes it just comes down to "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't," and after seven years with Etsy, I can say with all sincerity, I don't even know what that company is anymore, and highly doubt anyone who works at their headquarters has even a slightly better clue than I do.

To me, eBay has never pretended to be anything it's not.  It's gritty, and unapologetic, and I kinda like it.

With that in mind, I popped some fresh listings up, and I hope you'll join me over there for some color-holic mayhem!  If you're like me, and haven't got a beige bone in your body, click: here, or hit the SHOP link in my sidebar, and paint your world with all the colors of you!


Monday, June 12, 2017

Steppe into the Past

Glittering sunshine
hypnotic sweet air rises
valley wakes anew.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Nerd Alert!!!

They're baaaaAAAaaaack ...

Pat Rothfuss' well-oiled, charity machine is at it again.  Worldbuilders is throwing a week-long "Geeks Doing Good" fundraising event (on behalf of Heifer International) in celebration of the Author's (and all around geek aficionado) birthday.  Plus, if you missed out on his end of the year charity merry-making, where they raised a sum over two million dollars, this is your chance to jump in, and score some geeky goodies (ofttimes limited edition) for a good cause.  Head on over to his blog and read up on the event, or just dive right into the Indiegogo page, and start shopping!  Last year's summer event raised over $200,000 USD in just one week to help people around the world deliver themselves from crippling poverty.  To read more about what makes Heifer International unique, head here.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Mess With the Bull ... You'll Get the Horns

Because of Etsy's insistence on becoming a payment processor, and my non-compliance with this mandatory service change my shop will be SUSPENDED by May 18, 2017. If you're desperate to have an Etsy experience with me before it ends, click here to shop now! To stay in touch, or receive updates about my store you can always stay tuned here, or find me on Instagram:@The.Longshoremans.Daughter or Facebook:

It's 100% my choice to let the company suspend me, just as it is the company's choice making itself a primary money processor a mandatory stipulation after it realized letting people voluntarily sign up for their "Direct Checkout" program for the last few years has not raked in the results the company was hoping for.  Now, it's time for a name change (Etsy Payments or EP) in a sloppy re-branding attempt to grab a piece of the PayPal pie they've been desperate to get their hands on, especially after Etsy stock has been tanking.

I can't justify handing over the volume of personal, and financial information they're asking for to a company that can never even seem to chew gum and clap its hands at the same time.  A company that is NOT equipped to handle the support I feel is necessary to be a primary money processor (we already witnessed how they along with then-processor Worldpay bungled a month-long payment outage last summer where Etsy's six-day silence was equal parts business as usual for them + unprofessional-ism of the highest order, if not completely crooked (can we really expect Adyen to be a much better partnership?).  And, last but not least, a disturbingly dishonest company that hides behind platitudes, and spin.  This is not a company I trust.

Why all the hate?  No payment processor is perfect, it's not like PayPal has a glowing reputation.  Let's not be completely ridiculous, it's not that I trust PayPal particularly more, it's just that I don't think PayPal necessarily pretends to be anything it's not - Etsy was supposed to be different.  It was always supposed to be different, but selling-out kind of has that whole conform-or-die thing going for it.  PayPal is its own special circus, for sure, but when the chips are down you can call and get someone on the phone to work it out ... meanwhile, Etsy has proven time and again that it is completely inept at customer support (the snotty-intern attitude, and mentality adopted by the "team" it employs being the cherry on top), and while most money processors have the same type of sensitive material on file, I prefer having mine in as few places as possible.  So, thems the breaks.

I think it's safe to say, Etsy will miss me about as much as I'll miss it.  If there was any love here to be lost, it crashed faster than Etsy's share prices after its IPO announcement.

*Update May 17, 2017*
Email from Etsy (May 16th):
How generous.

Monday, May 1, 2017

The Space Between

Never think that everything you've learned, and all the ways you've grown have taken you further away from me; somehow making us grow apart.

The truth of it is, I've been waiting for you to meet the person I've always known you to be.

Welcome home.

Saturday, April 15, 2017


Hair alive and wild
meringue tipped cerulean
gales taming my heat.


Monday, April 10, 2017

Special Delivery: Garden Hoard

My seed stash is officially reaching hoarder status, and I blame it all on companies like Garden Hoard, Baker Creek Seeds, and Seeds Now for dazzling me with their enchanting selections of organic, heirloom, and non-gmo inventory.  But, I suppose all things considered, seeds aren't the worst things in the world to be "hoarding," and you're certainly not likely to find a family of dead cat skeletons under my seed collection, so I figure I'm still within a healthy range.  I am, however, desperate to get them in the ground.  Like, toddler on Christmas Eve all planting season long -- My window sills are already overtaken with the ones I couldn't wait any longer to start, and now I wait for the weather to relax a little since I'm not trying to turn my garden dressed like the Gorton's Fisherman in a monsoon.  I know I'm PNW stock, and like a good rainstorm, but even I have my limits, especially when it comes to Spring yard work. 

Until it dries up around here, you'll have to excuse me while I fan-girl out a little bit over Garden Hoard.  Female owned, and operated, Garden Hoard brings us a decent sized inventory cultivated, and grown on their newly-ish acquired Renegade Acres where they've been able to consolidate their growing operation to one location.  What I love most about this business, aside from getting to watch it grow from its infancy (@gardenhoard for those kool kats on ig), is the amount of care, put into every aspect of it.  This is a business that wants to grow, and thrive, run by people who really believe in what they're doing -- and that's something I can totally get behind.  A lot of seed companies will throw in a free packet of something or another, and that's great (who doesn't love a freebie?), but Katie & Christopher stuff orders with complementary seed sowing, saving, and fact sheets that, if you're a nerd like me, can be tucked straight into your gardening book (gigantic 3-ring binder in my case) creating an excellent little quick reference library.  And since they do everything hands-on, personally, it's nice to have pieces of their advice for what has worked for their seeds based on first-hand experience, and not just generic generalizations.  I can't sing their praises enough, but if you're looking to put in a garden this year, especially if this is your very first, I definitely think Garden Hoard is worth checking out!


Saturday, April 1, 2017


 Out of the night that covers me,
      Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
      I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
      Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
      How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
      I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley 

Thursday, March 30, 2017

A Small Leak Will Sink a Great Ship

~Benjamin Franklin

"Leaky gut" is a phrase you've probably heard a lot recently, especially as the syndrome picks up popularity in alternative health circles, and natural publications.  The problem is, it doesn't exist, at least, it isn't a diagnosis taught in medical school.  This poses quite a problem when trying to find a qualified physician to help you navigate the path of the theory of intestinal permeability.  That's what you need to call it, by the way, to be taken remotely seriously by a healthcare professional: Intestinal Permeability.

What's the big deal anyway?  What's all the fuss about?  Why is everyone obsessed with guts these days?  Well, Hippocrates (the Father of Modern Medicine 460-370 BC), himself told us, "All disease begins in the gut," and with recent developments in our understanding of the importance of the human microbiome, as well as the gut-brain connection it seems science is finally making strides to catch up with his teachings.  Just think how advanced we could be if mankind didn't have to learn every single lesson the hard way, but I digress.  Gut health, if you've done any personal research on the topic already, you've discovered is incredibly important, and when it's compromised even by the smallest of "leaks" the effects are far reaching, and linked (but not limited) to:
  • Allergies
  • Asthma
  • Autoimmune disorders
  • Bowel problems (probably the most obvious)
  • Diabetes (II) 
  • Depleted immune function
  • Eczema (among a whole host of skin conditions) 
  • Female reproductive health complications
  • Mental health (anxiety, depression, bi-polar, etc.)
  • Migraine 
  • Thyroid dysfunction
  • Weight management problems (overweight / underweight)

So, you've been in digestion-hell or suffering with seemingly random maladies, googled your symptoms, and fallen down the rabbit hole that is WebMD and are convinced you'll be dead within weeks ... What's to be done now, then?  Maybe before getting your affairs in order, you could look over the regimen I used to support my body on its path to healing, and incorporate what is manageable to you.    
Worth mentioning first, is that fresh is always best.  However, I know it's not even remotely realistic for everyone to be growing herbs and medicinal plants in their own back yard (never mind how difficult, and sanitarily suspect it would be to get in on the first feeding of a mammal post-birth!  More on that later...) so, do your best to find high quality supplements from brands you feel you can trust. 

Licorice Root (DGL-deglycyrrhizinated licorice root)
  • What it's for: Protects against ulcer formation, discourages proliferation of H. pylori, provides acid reflux and digestive support, soothes sore throats and coughs, prevents autoimmunity, relives constipation, offers adrenal support, and eases the discomfort of many female reproductive issues, among a laundry list of other things. 
  • How to use it: Chewable tablets (500 mg) three times a day 20 minutes before meals.
  • Warnings: Headache, heart palpitations because the glycyrrhizin compound causes potassium levels in the body to drop leading to abnormal heart rhythms, congestive heart failure (over extended use).
This is something meant for small doses, and short periods in order to heal, and move on.  As one of the first supplements I found to aid in my sub-par digestive experience, I made it through 2 bottles, and found it very helpful before retiring it from my routine.  By then, I had graduated to Betaine HCL with pepsin, and digestive enzymes to better, and more fully break down my food which made digestion an overall more comfortable, and gentle experience.  When you find yourself with lackluster gut health it is not uncommon to have low stomach acid levels, or have low output of naturally occurring digestive enzymes leaving the food you eat sitting too long, and purifying in your stomach and then shoved through the rest of the digestive tract in its awkward state as opposed to being properly broken down into a substance your intestines can absorb nutrients from.  Read more about low stomach acid (as well as its connection with heartburn and GERD) here.

Marshmallow Root
  • What it's for: Soothes mucus membranes, and protects against stomach ulcers, acid reflux and digestive disorders, restores saliva volume, alleviates sore throat, cough, and cold, respiratory infection, eases asthma, ulerative colitis and Chron's disease, offers kidney support, treats eczema and myriad skin conditions, as well as small cuts, and burns.  It's even helpful in decreasing inflammation in teething infants - many people peel the root, and let the child chew on it.  If that doesn't work, cut it in half and stick one piece in each of your ears.
  • How to use it: 2 capsules (480 mg) three times a day with meals.
  • Warnings: Typically considered safe while pregnant or breastfeeding, check with your healthcare professional before using, and use caution if diabetic as it could be linked to drops in blood sugar levels.  It may also cause malabsorption of medications, be sure to wait 1 hour after taking any medicine or supplements before ingesting.
Plantain (yeah, that funny little weed growing in your yard)
  • What it's for: With anti-inflammatory, and antimicrobial properties that heal intestinal wounds, seal intestinal permeability, and protects the liver just to name a few.  Used topically for for all manner of skin conditions including sunburns, burns, minor cuts, blisters, insect & snake bites, and stings. 
  • How to use it: Rinse 2 cup of leaves and combine in french press with 4 cups of water, and steep until cool, once strained it can be stored in the refrigerator for two weeks. Or cram a few handfuls through your juicer and drink with veggie juice of your choice.
  • Warnings:  I can't find a definitive answer, but people with melon allergies should use caution with this herb.  Pregnant, and breastfeeding women should also avoid it, as it is rumored to assist in miscarriage.
Slippery Elm
  • What it's for: Stimulates nerve endings in intestinal tract, increases body's mucus secretion, enhances stomach lining, combats excessive acidity & ulcers in digestive tract.  It is also a hefty antioxidant that guards against inflammation.
  • How to use it: Mix 1 teaspoon of powder with 8 oz boiling water, stir & sip. 
  • Warnings: Slippery Elm has been rumored to cause miscarriage, and while no scientific proof of this claim exists, it is wise to exercise caution.  It may also cause malabsorption of medications, be sure to wait 1 hour after taking any medicine or supplements before ingesting.
Slippery Elm, Marshmallow Root, Plantain, and Licorice Root are all considered demulcent herbs, which simply means that they create a protective coating that diminishes irritation and inflammation of the mucus membranes.  

  • What it's for: Praised for it's immune boosting, antibacterial, anti-fungal, and anti-aging properties, it is said to provide support for healthy cells in your skin, hair, joints, bones, and organs, and used to heal injuries, repair the nervous system, and what we're most interested in here, it helps to seal the digestive tract, and keep pathogens and toxins from passing through our intestinal walls, and protects against further inflammation.
  • How to use it: 3 capsules (1500mg) twice a day on an empty stomach.
  • Warnings: Use caution with bovine allergies.  Although rare, people with HIV need to be aware of possible nausea, vomiting, abnormal liver function, and decreased red blood cells.
This might be the most difficult of all to acquire in its freshest form, nor would it be entirely appealing to ingest I imagine, but what you can do is look for a product that boasts USDA Grade A bovine origins and is BSE, antibiotic, pesticide, and hormone free.  Also look for a "first milking" derived product, and of course third party verification is preferred.  I was most apprehensive to try this supplement, myself, because I actually have a beef, and cow milk allergy so I wasn't exactly sure what would happen or what kind of undesirable reaction I was in store for, but I was in so much pain and discomfort, and so sickly, and weak I kind of didn't care what happened to me after I swallowed the capsule.  To my astonishment, nothing happened!  Nothing negative that I could discern, anyway, and honestly that was good enough for me, but even better was that I began to feel better almost immediately in my supplementation process.

Possibly the single most important thing you can do for yourself during this supplementation and healing process is to slash inflammation in your system by eliminating any foods that are known irritants (dairy, corn, gluten, soy, sugar, and wheat) and focusing on incorporating as many gentle, organic, whole foods into your diet as possible.  Juicing is also incredibly helpful, and allows you to flood your body with vitamins, nutrients, and trace minerals you've been deprived of because of your struggle with intestinal permeability.  One excellent juice used to raise stomach acidity is fresh, pure celery juice first thing on an empty stomach.  If you haven't researched the benefits of ordinary celery juice yet, I urge you to do so, it's basically a miracle food.

I've mentioned earlier in this post the topic of low stomach acid levels, and another great juice, and handy way to test yourself for low stomach acid or check your progress with healing your gut is beet juice (see my favorite recipe below).  After ingesting a beet or its juice, if your urine has pink tinges of color it is likely you have low levels of stomach acid.

Just Beet it!
1 beet
2-3 carrots
1-2 apples
1/2 lime
1" knob of ginger

Run everything except the lime through your juicer (I prefer an auger model), once finished, ream your lime and combine with the rest of the juice, serve and enjoy!

Additional supplements and foods you can add to your daily routine to aid this process include: Aloe Vera Juice, Chamomile, Coconut oil, Ginger, Glutamine, Green leafy vegetables, and Yarrow.  

Happy healing!


Monday, March 27, 2017

Life After The Day of the Dead: Marigold Drying Instructions

A couple of summers ago I discovered the deliciousness that is fresh Marigold Tea
October 2016: Brocade Mix (Tagetes Patula)
Never one to be bowled over by the beauty or even particularly interested in marigolds, I began planting them strictly as borders in my raised garden beds to act as a natural pesticide, and guardian to the other, more tender plants inhabiting the protected interior.

What anyone who's ever grown this little flower possibly most easily recognized for its association with Dia de los Muertos will tell you is how ridiculously easy they are to grow, how prolific the blooms are (they go positively wild with frequent clipping, and proper dead-heading), and how insanely long the growing season is (especially in the mild PNW) -- Last year they were still going strong all the way through mid-November. 

Rinsed & Drying on a rack
After witnessing this explosion of carmine, canary, and cadmium myself, I knew I had to figure out something to do with all of these flowers since just collecting, and drying for seed saving wasn't enough to stay ahead of the output, had me swimming in more seeds than I knew what to do with, and seemed like a bit of a waste at a certain point.  That's when I discovered marigold tea, and created my own ratio for the best cup!

Since then, it has been my goal to find the perfect drying instructions in order to keep this precious exlixir flowing through the off-season ... And I've done it (cue maniacal laughter)!  My fresh recipe found: here is simply 1-2 cups of rinsed and snipped petals combined with 4 cups of boiling water in a french press.

Dried & Ready to cool
The recipe for dried marigold petals is simply 1/4 -1/2 cup of petals per 4 cups of boiling water.

Drying Marigolds
  • Clip blooms & Rinse well
  • Shake off excess water
  • Arrange on roasting pan rack to dry  
  • Once mostly dry, place pan in oven on lowest setting (typically 150° F) with the door cracked open to ensure generous air flow, and proper circulation (we don't want to bake them, just dry them).
  • After any trace of water has disappeared, and the flowers have begun to shrink and become brittle (about 1 hour) remove pan from oven, empty it of all flower heads, and remove the rack.
  • Snip petals from the green calyx that secures them to the stem, and scatter them around the bottom of the pan.
  • Place roasting pan back into the oven (still on lowest setting) with the door cracked until all discernible dampness, and moisture is gone.  The timing here depends entirely on the size, moisture content, and oil found in the marigold petals.  Check every 15 minutes, rustling them around each time until a deep, rich color has developed, and the petals are "crunchy" to the touch.
At this point, don't be fooled - "warm & crunchy" does not necessarily mean "dry".  Before storing your new hoard in the airtight container of your choice (mine), you need to allow your petals to cool to room temperature, and set-up (for lack of a better term).  I keep mine in the roasting pan cooling on the counter for a day after oven drying, keeping them covered with a paper towel (cheesecloth, parchment, whatever) so no dust or foreign objects find a way into the stash, uncovering every so often to disturb their position and make sure nothing is clumping or sticking together.  Petals sealed in containers too soon before they've fully dried will develop little white spores on them.  If you see this, discard the entire batch, and start over with fresh flowers. 

Known Folk Uses for Marigolds:
-Often referred to as the "poor man's saffron" dried marigold petals can be used in place of the much more expensive spice in many dishes.
-Dye & Food coloring.
-Poultry feed.
-Mosquito and pest repellent.
-Fragrance in perfumes.
-Relieving digestive discomfort.
-Activating menstruation, soothing breast tenderness, and protection against miscarriage.
-Tagetes oil has been used to ease the discomfort of all manner of skin irritations including eczema, wounds, and ulcerations.

Further Reading:
A recent study tackling the claims of antioxidant, and anti-inflammatory properties of marigolds.
Irakli Chkhikvishvili, Tamar Sanikidze, Nunu Gogia, et al., “Constituents of French Marigold (Tagetes patula L.) Flowers Protect Jurkat T-Cells against Oxidative Stress,” Oxidative Medicine and Cellular Longevity, vol. 2016, Article ID 4216285, 10 pages, 2016. doi:10.1155/2016/4216285


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Semple vs. Kapoor

Throughout history, the art world has been (g)littered with rivalries ... how far back this goes, I can't even begin to imagine, petroglyphs perhaps?  Da Vinci / Michelangelo, Van Gogh / Gauguin, Picasso / now some people would put Matisse here, but I'm going with Modigliani.  C'mon, painting over someone else's work?  That's a nice bit of drama, just look at the  Banksy / King Robbo paint-fracas in which each artist notoriously paints over the other's works.  I feel, however, their defacement is on a more playful scale.  By trying to one-up each other they push the limits of their respective humor, and creativity, and it's endlessly entertaining for the audience, but there's a new feud in town, and it is the stuff of which petty dreams are made!

Stuart Semple versus Anish Kapoor:

It all started with Surrey NanoSystems' creation of the black-est substance on earth in 2014.  According to their website:
Vantablack® is a super-black coating that holds the world record as the darkest man-made substance.  So dark, in fact, that it absorbs light to such an extent (99.965% actually) that it renders many 3D objects flat to the human eye.  
Promptly expressing interest in using the material for artistic purposes after learning of its existence, Anish Kapoor wasn't ready to stop there.  Taking his enthusiasm a bit too far (for many in the art world) Mr. Kapoor aquired the exclusive rights to the substance known as Vantablack® and in doing so prevents anyone else from using it in their artistic endeavors.

Enter Stuart Semple.  This absolute legend is having NONE OF IT.  Disgusted by the (is this a stretch?) Faustian bargain between Kapoor and NanoSystems -- whose CEO is admittedly a Kapoor fan-boy leaving little wonder to how the artist jumped the queue to being considered for an artistic partnership with the company -- Semple (and his band of mad scientists) began creating his own "est" colors: Pinkest Pink, Greenest Green, Yellowest Yellow, Loveliest Blue, and even the world's glitteriest glitter dubbed "Diamond Dust" all available for sale on his website Culture Hustle, and all of which Anish Kapoor is banned from using until he can learn to play well with others.  Upon purchasing from his online store you agree to the terms and conditions of owning the pigments, and media for sale by Semple:
*Note: By adding this product to your cart you onfirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, you are in no way affiliated to Anish Kapoor, you are not purchasing this item on behalf of Anish Kapoor or an associate of Anish Kapoor. To the best of your knowledge, information and belief this paint will not make it's way into the hands of Anish Kapoor.
But he hasn't stopped there.  Last month, Semple released his own version of the blackest black, a two part medium consisting of a matte acrylic Super Base able to hold more pigment than any other acrylic medium available today, and a micronized pigment, Black, also known together as Flattening, Ultra-matte, Artistic, Key-chromer ... or, FU A.K. for short.  Did I mention it's also non-toxic, and does not require the laborious methods of applying heat and pressure that is necessary for Vantablack® to perform its magic, and is a lot easier and cheaper to make resulting in a very consumer-friendly 16 GBP price tag?  Oh yeah, adding insult to injury, it's also scented ... black cherry, rather fittingly.  As if you needed another reason to buy.

FU A.K. is a fraction of the $ of Vantablack? That's none of my business.
Kapoor did, in fact, end up with a pot of Pinkest Pink thanks (allegedly) to London's Lisson Gallery, a crime so heinous, Stuart "No Chill" Semple has insisted on a course of specific, if not deliciously tedious, action (found here) to be followed in order to keep the matter from escalating.

All antics aside, there is a clear winner here: Artists.  Thanks to Semple's efforts to clap back at art media monopolies, cronyism, and the enormous egos that rear their ugly heads in the art world, we have a whole new set of pigments (and glitter) in our kits to play and create with (at an affordable price, even!).  What could be better than that?

I will, without a doubt, be following the development of this color war now having found my very own petty-soul-twin in Semple.  Meanwhile, why don't you grab some supplies and share your creations?